1. Everything is way too loud

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Night clubs always seem like a fun idea - music, dancing, drinking, and having a good time...but you always forget that it's basically IMPOSSIBLE to hear anyone say anything, let alone have anything resembling a conversation at one - because EVERYTHING IS SO GODDAMN LOUD. The music is cranked up to the highest volume possible at all times, and 90% of the conversations are mostly someone pointing to their ear and shouting "SAY THAT AGAIN?" Personally, I enjoy not having my eardrums blown out and being able to have conversations.



2. They don't have Hulu and won't put on Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

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There are a few screens around most night clubs - but most of them just have interesting visual graphics playing. What's the point of that? No one's actually WATCHING these things, because there's nothing TO watch - it's basically just screensaver-style visuals, so the best they can hope for is for people to passively notice them and then move on.

Meanwhile, they COULD be playing Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (subbed, of course) on all the screens - since it's subtitled, the unfortunate noise wouldn't be too intrusive to the viewing experience (although losing out on hearing Akira Senju's musical compositions is regrettable), and everyone at the club will be able to experience one of the most exhilarating, thought-provoking, emotionally-charged anime series of all-time.



3. Too many people

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I get it - the more people in the club, the more money the club makes from covers and drinks, and the more appealing it looks because so many people are there. But here's the thing - there needs to be a limit. When it's so packed you can barely move, let alone try to walk through the crowd to find the manager to ask them to turn on one of the most powerful manga adaptations in recent memory, you're out of luck.



4. No available power outlets

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I know, I know - if there's ONE thing you need to do before going to the club, it's making sure your Nintendo Switch is fully charged. But when you're living that fast and crazy club lifestyle, sometimes things slip between the cracks. That's why it's legitimately ridiculous how difficult it is to find an open outlet for you to charge your Nintendo Switch at the club so you can get your Stardew Valley on.



5. Bartender gets mad when I ask for more tap water

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A bartender's job is to dispense drinks - that's it. And yet I'm the one getting attitude thrown in my face simply for asking for a cup of cold tap water every 30 minutes? Is it MY fault that I only want the one drink that happens to be free? Alcohol makes me woozy, juice and soda are too sweet for me, and only tap water gives me the chill refreshment I need to harvest crops and flirt with local townspeople in the incredible world of Stardew Valley.



6. No one will play 1-2 Switch with me despite me asking very politely

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I'm being very nice and calling everyone "Sir" and "Madam" and yet no one wants to play just a few rounds of 1-2 Switch? I'm sorry, but it's almost as if none of these people saw Nintendo's commercials that showed MULTIPLE COOL FRIENDS enjoying the Switch TOGETHER in a fun, lighthearted atmosphere. I don't recall ANYONE in the commercials saying "get lost, dipshit" towards the Switch owners.



7. DJ very rude to me when I asked (politely) to play more 'lofi hip hop anime radio - beats to relax/study to'

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It is a VERY popular trend in Youtube videos and I enjoy it a lot - frankly, I think everyone else would enjoy it too. It would be a nice break from these loud, bouncy, fast tracks that keep getting played. And if the DJ refuses to play lofi anime hip hop, at least play some pleasant chiptunes.



8. The men's bathroom was disgusting and the women's bathroom was full of screaming women

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The men's bathroom? So gross - urine everywhere, toilets backed up, and one incredibly disgusting person was loudly sniffing something from inside one of the stalls. Probably one of those filthy individuals who likes smelling their own farts - no thank you!

And the women's bathroom had issues of its own - when I walked in (to escape the horror of the men's bathroom), the women all SCREAMED at me and told me to "get out", especially since I had already soiled my pants from being unable to find an acceptable toilet in the men's room before my bowels took matters into their own hands (I can hardly be blamed for that).



9. Closes way too early

The 9 Worst Things About Night Clubs

Don't you hate how early clubs close? You'd think something called a "night club" would go well into the night - but the last one I was at closed at 11:15 PM! I was escorted off the premises, told I wasn't allowed back in (presumably because the establishment was closed, as there would be no other possible reason for expelling me), and the doors closed behind me. The strangest thing was that I could still hear lots of music and noise coming from inside - someone must have forgotten to turn off the music. If they were going to leave the music on, they might as well have let patrons continue enjoying the club, right?